First of all, I’d like to mention that Zeus Salazar was the first scholar that has made a mark on my being, when I was in college. I would never forget how much his idea of “pantayong pananaw” had sunk into my system. My History professor, during my first year in UP, inculcated in us the value of having history written by Filipinos, and not by foreign authors. That was where the idea of “pantayong pananaw” centered on. And of course, I’d always remember this because it was in this subject where I got a grade of 1.0. Well, in UP, students normally say, “Only gods deserve 1.0.” Of course they were only kidding.
Zeus Salazar. He knew exactly what Filipinos are like: They would resort to any way just to avoid hurting a fellow Filipino. This is very Filipino, and this is what I sometimes don’t like about Filipinos.
In the workplace, when you start voicing out directly how you feel about certain issues, the “normal” ones brand you as “reklamador” or “pasaway.” What’s wrong with telling the whole department right in front of all of them that you’re not interested to join them in the outing? And what good does it do when you say “yes” to the invitation when deep inside, you know you’d rather go somewhere else?
For most Filipinos, saying “no” is like “walang pakisama.” So if you say “no” many times, you end up being the “bad guy,” and those who say “yes” even when they don’t really mean it are hailed as “good guys.” It’s the irony of all ironies.
Honestly, I also don’t want to hurt anyone, so in some instances, “lumalabas din ang pagka-Pinoy ko.” I also get to say “maybe” when I really mean “no.” This happens when my students invite me for coffee or dinner but I always say, “Maybe next time.” What I actually mean to say, “No, I don’t like the idea of going out with students like you.”
These days, Filipinos are never more direct. They are still what make them Filipinos – they don’t want to hurt others’ feelings. Instead of saying “maybe,” they have started to resort to different ways of saying “no” without hurting at all – so they think.
These ways differ according to the medium of communication used. For example, if the question is received through SMS, they say they didn’t get such message so they ignored it. If the question is blurted out face-to-face, to say “I’ll let you know” or “I’ll see if my schedule permits” can be variants of the long-forgotten word “no.”
A-ha. Only in the Philippines.
I wish, though, that Filipinos would learn to say “no” more often without feeling guilty. On my part, I’m still learning to do this – it’s a kind of unlearning a Filipino value. I realize that not all Filipino values are worth keeping. Some would have to go with the time, especially with the global village where honesty should be the basis of human relationships.
Our relationships should not be based on the Filipino value called “pakiramdam” or “pakiramdaman.” To rely on pakiramdam means to exert more effort on something someone could have just said right in front of our faces. The energy exerted on “pakikiramdam” could have been utilized on more productive activities. This is why I’d rather hear the truth, though it sometimes hurts, than to fall for what I heard which may be fake, after all.
Comments