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Remembering 'Tatang' on Christmas of 2011

My father-in-law passed away in Dec. 19 -- a few days before Christmas 2011
Margie, Luz, Daniel and Helen
with their mother whom we fondly call "Inang"
It was Christmas 2011-- but there was no gift-giving, no ham on the table, no games for the kids, no Christmas carols, and people's faces were mostly painted with sadness. 


Christmas 2011 was not a "merry" one for my family, but it was a very meaningful Christmas that made me realize a lot of things that are important in life.
My father-in-law whom we fondly call "Tatang" passed away in Dec 19, a few days after he was diagnosed with leukemia.  


Tatang in the hospital while struggling with leukemia
Seeing how hard it was for my mother-in-law and her daughters and sons, including my husband, to accept that Tatang has already left the family, I couldn't help but cry, too.  Amid the merry-making in other places, here's a family grieving for having lost Tatang.  I knew it wouldn't be easy for them since Tatang is such a good father to all of them, and definitely a good lolo to all his grandsons and granddaughters. 


While seeing things unfold, and while looking at Tatang's body before his burial, a lot of thoughts were in my mind.


First, it made me realize that 'death' is for real, and that we will all die in due time, so it is very important that we do good things every single day, since we only have one life.  


As a parent, I realized I  have to spend quality time with my kids, while I can, while I am with them, while I am strong and alive.  As a parent, I need to help them learn to live independently as they grow old, so that when I finally meet death, they would be strong enough to face the challenges in their own lives.


I can see that Tatang was successful enough in raising independent sons and daughters who have stopped depending on their parents at young ages. 


Second, looking at how my husband and  his siblings worked together to help Tatang survive while he was still in the hospital, and how they spent the last days on Tatang's burial made me realize that as a parent, I also need to be a sort of  'glue' that would make my kids 'stick' together even at the most challenging issues  the family faces.


Geographically speaking, they are in different places -- my husband is here in Angeles City, one sister in Hong Kong, another sister and a brother in Manila, a brother in Saudi Arabia, and two of his sisters in Camiling (hometown). Despite this, they usually bring their own families in Camiling to spend Christmas or New Year celebration.  And yes, the latest family gathering was last Christmas, without Tatang. 


I feel that Tatang was successful enough to become the 'glue' in creating an invisible family bond.  And I'm sure, now that he has passed away, that invisible bond is not about to disappear.  


Spending previous New Year celebration with Tatang in Camiling
This invisible bond is one thing I really admire on my husband's family. In fact, I am actually more familiar with his extended family than with my own.  On his side, I know his cousins, his second cousins, his siblings' family members, his nephews and nieces, etc. Well, I must admit, on my side, it would be difficult to see this kind of bonding.  For many reasons, I am not that close with my own cousins, second cousins ( I barely know who they are...), nephews, nieces, etc.  I have not even attended any family reunion (extended family)  on my side... well.. there must be no glue which is strong enough to bring me to the family gathering. 


With my own family, I hope my own kids would have such kind of family bond that will keep them together, helping each other, and making their own families in the future be close to each other as well.


   
Lastly, I realized that there is no better way to live our lives but to make other people's lives as meaningful as ours.  


I will remember Tatang as a good father to my husband and a nice lolo to my kids :-)



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