Slowly, I opened my eyes. The sight was blurred. Everything was white. But I could hear people talking though I couldn't seem to understand what they were talking about. I closed my eyes.
A minute after, I tried to open my eyes again. Better sight this time. I saw small beds and people wearing white gowns walking around. When I moved my head, one of them approached me, "Mrs., can you move your feet?" I realized she was a nurse. I responded to her by trying to move my foot. I was successful. It moved. Then the other one. I was able to move the other foot. Then I tried to lift my hand and look at what felt heavy in one of my fingers. A monitoring device was clipped on my left hand's pointing finger. Then I heard the machine on the upper left hand corner. I looked at it. Still blurred, I knew it was a machine monitoring my heart beat and my pulse. Toot--- toot --toot...
"Mrs., we will bring you to the ward now."
"What time is it?" I asked.
"Ten thirty --- morning."
"Is it over?" I asked again while I was still dizzy.
"Yes, you've been here at the recovery room for two hours now."
Then the male nurse started pulling and pushing the small bed where I laid down. I was on my way to the OB ward. I was still very dizzy, I guess it was caused by the anesthesia injected to me over two hours ago.
I have just waken up from deep sleep caused by anesthesia. The deep sleep, I remember, started at 7:40 am, January 8, when my OB-gynecologist and the anesthesiologist came to the operating room where I was then. The nurse told me that the operation finished at 8:30 am. I didn't know anything about the D & C or dilatation and curettage operation that was done to me. I was in the deepest sleep I could ever have.
WHAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED TO ME?
January 6: This is the second day of school for this year. After my three-hour class -- Intro to Mass Comm. class -- I went to the comfort room and found out that I was bleeding. It was very unusual knowing that I was over four months pregnant. I wanted to go to the doctor but I still had classes that afternoon so I decided not to see the doctor immediately. In the afternoon, till 8 p.m., I was still teaching. While teaching a student that night, I knew something was painful but I kept on ignoring the pain. I told myself I had to finish my class. When I came home, I started to feel pre-labor pains. My husband got ready to bring me to the hospital at around 1 a.m. but I refused since I didn't want to leave my three kids while they're sleeping. I told my husband the pain also subsided.
January 7: As early as 6:30 a.m., my husband and I went to the hospital to have an OB exam. The resident OB told me that I was having pre-term labor. That was exactly how I felt then. The pain was unbearable, it was like giving birth anytime. But my baby is barely 5 months-- still premature. The OB tried to listen to the heartbeat of the baby. None. Then, though she was not a sonologist, she used the ultrasound machine to listen to the heartbeat and movement of my baby. Still none. I was about to panic but the OB told me that she's not a sonologist so perhaps I had to consult a professional sonologist who can diagnose exactly what's happening to my baby. Then she advised me to go to my OB-gynecologist as soon as I got the ultrasound result.
And so my husband, with Danie and Stef, and I went to a professional sonologist. She found out, and I saw it on the monitor, that I had twin babies. Then I asked the sonologist if the babies were okay. She just told me she would write her findings and my OB will explain everything to me.
Knowing that I would be having twin babies made me very happy at that moment. I never even imagined I could have twins! I happily told my eldest daughter and my husband of the good news. We were all happy and we felt so blessed.
On our way to the OB, Steffi and I were already planning for the twin babies. Then my husband told me, "You have to be extra careful this time because you have two babies in your tummy." We even planned to buy more vitamins and we kept talking about the gender of the twins -- whether they would be twin sisters, twin brothers, or a girl and a boy.
THE MOMENT OF TRUTH: The OB broke our happiness and excitement. Instead, she painted my face with extreme sadness and regret when she said, "Ay, sayang, non viable ang pregnancy mo."
Then she showed me the result saying, "Fetal movements and somatic activities are absent."
Yeah, my twin babies are dead. Fetus A lived until his 13th week and fetus B lived until his 14th week only. That day was my 19th-20th week of pregnancy.
It then occurred to me that my twin babies were already dead even before Christmas. They've been dead for 5 to 6 weeks now.
I was speechless that time. All I could do was to look at my husband who was also speechless.
That day, at 6 p.m., with the advice of my OB-gynecologist, I was admitted in the hospital for induced labor and D & C operation. I had to abort the babies before it's too late. Delaying the operation could just put my own life in danger.
I was in labor pains the whole night in the hospital. But I knew that these pains are no match to the pain I felt when I knew I was not bringing home any baby -- not even one.
January 8: I started bleeding heavily at 7 a.m. then was brought to the operating room a few minutes after. At 7:40 a.m., the doctors arrived. My last memory then was when the anesthesiologist injected the anesthesia that put me to deep sleep.
Seeing my bed in the OB ward put me back to my senses. My twin babies are gone. I haven't even touched them. I haven't even held them in my arms. I haven't even kissed them.
My tears wouldn't bring them back. They're gone and they're not coming back...
A minute after, I tried to open my eyes again. Better sight this time. I saw small beds and people wearing white gowns walking around. When I moved my head, one of them approached me, "Mrs., can you move your feet?" I realized she was a nurse. I responded to her by trying to move my foot. I was successful. It moved. Then the other one. I was able to move the other foot. Then I tried to lift my hand and look at what felt heavy in one of my fingers. A monitoring device was clipped on my left hand's pointing finger. Then I heard the machine on the upper left hand corner. I looked at it. Still blurred, I knew it was a machine monitoring my heart beat and my pulse. Toot--- toot --toot...
"Mrs., we will bring you to the ward now."
"What time is it?" I asked.
"Ten thirty --- morning."
"Is it over?" I asked again while I was still dizzy.
"Yes, you've been here at the recovery room for two hours now."
Then the male nurse started pulling and pushing the small bed where I laid down. I was on my way to the OB ward. I was still very dizzy, I guess it was caused by the anesthesia injected to me over two hours ago.
I have just waken up from deep sleep caused by anesthesia. The deep sleep, I remember, started at 7:40 am, January 8, when my OB-gynecologist and the anesthesiologist came to the operating room where I was then. The nurse told me that the operation finished at 8:30 am. I didn't know anything about the D & C or dilatation and curettage operation that was done to me. I was in the deepest sleep I could ever have.
WHAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED TO ME?
January 6: This is the second day of school for this year. After my three-hour class -- Intro to Mass Comm. class -- I went to the comfort room and found out that I was bleeding. It was very unusual knowing that I was over four months pregnant. I wanted to go to the doctor but I still had classes that afternoon so I decided not to see the doctor immediately. In the afternoon, till 8 p.m., I was still teaching. While teaching a student that night, I knew something was painful but I kept on ignoring the pain. I told myself I had to finish my class. When I came home, I started to feel pre-labor pains. My husband got ready to bring me to the hospital at around 1 a.m. but I refused since I didn't want to leave my three kids while they're sleeping. I told my husband the pain also subsided.
January 7: As early as 6:30 a.m., my husband and I went to the hospital to have an OB exam. The resident OB told me that I was having pre-term labor. That was exactly how I felt then. The pain was unbearable, it was like giving birth anytime. But my baby is barely 5 months-- still premature. The OB tried to listen to the heartbeat of the baby. None. Then, though she was not a sonologist, she used the ultrasound machine to listen to the heartbeat and movement of my baby. Still none. I was about to panic but the OB told me that she's not a sonologist so perhaps I had to consult a professional sonologist who can diagnose exactly what's happening to my baby. Then she advised me to go to my OB-gynecologist as soon as I got the ultrasound result.
And so my husband, with Danie and Stef, and I went to a professional sonologist. She found out, and I saw it on the monitor, that I had twin babies. Then I asked the sonologist if the babies were okay. She just told me she would write her findings and my OB will explain everything to me.
Knowing that I would be having twin babies made me very happy at that moment. I never even imagined I could have twins! I happily told my eldest daughter and my husband of the good news. We were all happy and we felt so blessed.
On our way to the OB, Steffi and I were already planning for the twin babies. Then my husband told me, "You have to be extra careful this time because you have two babies in your tummy." We even planned to buy more vitamins and we kept talking about the gender of the twins -- whether they would be twin sisters, twin brothers, or a girl and a boy.
THE MOMENT OF TRUTH: The OB broke our happiness and excitement. Instead, she painted my face with extreme sadness and regret when she said, "Ay, sayang, non viable ang pregnancy mo."
Then she showed me the result saying, "Fetal movements and somatic activities are absent."
Yeah, my twin babies are dead. Fetus A lived until his 13th week and fetus B lived until his 14th week only. That day was my 19th-20th week of pregnancy.
It then occurred to me that my twin babies were already dead even before Christmas. They've been dead for 5 to 6 weeks now.
I was speechless that time. All I could do was to look at my husband who was also speechless.
That day, at 6 p.m., with the advice of my OB-gynecologist, I was admitted in the hospital for induced labor and D & C operation. I had to abort the babies before it's too late. Delaying the operation could just put my own life in danger.
I was in labor pains the whole night in the hospital. But I knew that these pains are no match to the pain I felt when I knew I was not bringing home any baby -- not even one.
January 8: I started bleeding heavily at 7 a.m. then was brought to the operating room a few minutes after. At 7:40 a.m., the doctors arrived. My last memory then was when the anesthesiologist injected the anesthesia that put me to deep sleep.
Seeing my bed in the OB ward put me back to my senses. My twin babies are gone. I haven't even touched them. I haven't even held them in my arms. I haven't even kissed them.
My tears wouldn't bring them back. They're gone and they're not coming back...
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