For the first time in my entire life, food, particularly chef salad and pork stew, tasted so bland. I didn’t even want to drink water, not a single drop of it, at least for several hours that night. Until the following day, my appetite has not visited me. It was because I had mixed feelings that night of June 27. It was a night I didn’t expect to come.
I left the school early that afternoon. I swiped out at our attendance monitoring machine at four instead of at 5:30 p.m. I went home early because my family and I wanted to go to my sister and mom’s house in Balibago. We were anticipating a family dinner so my sister cooked spaghetti and my mom prepared pork stew. While cooking spaghetti, my sis even prepared chef salad for me. I requested for it and because she could not say no to me, I had what I wanted.
I haven’t finished half of the serving of my favorite chef salad when I heard my son crying at my back. Everything happened so fast, I didn’t get a chance to see what exactly happened. I just remember seeing my son lying on the floor with his two hands holding his head while he was starting to cry in pain. My sister, who was standing near my four-year-old son, was also surprised with how fast things happened. My husband came running and “rescuing” my son. My husband saw what happened but he was too far so he did not reach my son on time. Nadapa daw si Charles at tumama and ulo niya sa dulo ng unang baitang ng hagdan.
When we looked at Charles’ head to check what caused him to cry, we saw blood rushing out of his head. The sight of it made me weak. We immediately brought him to AUF medical center – right to the emergency room.
On our way to the medical center, sobrang awa ko kay Charles. Kung pwede lang kunin ko na lang ang sakit na nararamdaman niya. I never wanted any of my kids to be hurt – physically or emotionally.
My agony didn’t end there. At the emergency room, while Charles endlessly cried, the doctor told us, “Kailangan po natin itong tahiin.” Napalunok ako then I looked at my husband’s eyes. I was looking for any affirmation. Tatahiin? Is that the only thing that has to be done? I couldn’t imagine that. Four years old pa lang ang bunso ko. Nagwawala pa si Charles that night – takot siya sa ospital, takot sa injection, then he became more afraid when the nurses started holding him so tight so he won’t be able to move his body. The nurses made a straitjacket out of a blanket and they used it with my son. Grabe. Hindi ko matagalan. I couldn’t stand seeing the doctor injecting anesthesia on my son’s head. I told my husband, “Han, hindi ko kaya ‘to.” So, pinalabas na lang ako ng operating room. I stayed outside, right at the ER door.
The torture started. I did nothing but cried while I heard Charles crying. His voice was so loud and he was begging for help. “Ang sakit po. Ayoko na po. Papa, huwag mo akong iwan, dito ka lang…”
I couldn’t do anything that moment. Umiyak na lang hanggang matapos. After over an hour, we were advised to bring Charles at home so he could rest and regain all the energy he lost while crying in pain.
When we got home that night, I never felt hungry until the afternoon the following day. I lost my appetite. I lost sleep that night.
Ang hirap pala. I have nothing to blame but myself. I was in the same house when it happened. Why haven’t I done something to prevent it from happening?
That incident made me realize I was weak. I realized that my kids are my weakness and they are also my strength.
Kahit anong pagod, kaya ko, basta para kina Charles at Steffi. They serve as my source of strength.
Pero ang pinakamasakit sa lahat ay makitang umiiyak at nasasaktan ang mga anak. Totoo ang sinasabi ng mga matatanda noon, ang magulang, ni ayaw pumayag na makagat ng lamok ang anak. Totoo iyon.
That night, I also felt, there is God. Without Him, where else will I seek refuge during those times that I was so down? Dasal ako nang dasal habang naririnig kong umiiyak si Charles sa ER. Kahit hindi ako tumigil sa dasal nang buong gabi, ang importante, matapos ang sakit na nararamdaman ng anak ko. Nakiusap ako at nagdasal… That made me realize I have FAITH even if I don’t read the bible, even if I don’t regularly go to church.
I also realized I should not be too relaxed and secured. Kailangan laging on guard. Anything could happen. Well, that made me so paranoid. I never stopped following my son since then. Kapag nasa bahay ako, hindi ko inaalis ang tingin ko sa kanya. Ayoko nang maulit.
Kinagabihan, the following day, my son softly cried while we were lying on our bed, getting ready to sleep. When I asked why he was crying, sabi niya, “Mama, di ba hindi mo ako iiwan? Dito ka lang ha? Ayoko na ulit mangyari yung kagabi.” Tumulo na ang luha ng paslit.
How could a sweet son like Charles be hurt so bad?
Weeks had passed and Charles feels better now. I’ve learned my lesson. Charles would surely refrain from running next time so he would keep himself away from accidents. I took advantage of that chance to tell him how much he means to me. He knows how much I love him. We express our love in words every night, before bedtime. And we usually end our day by saying
“Good night. I love you. Sweet dreams. Sleep tight…”
I left the school early that afternoon. I swiped out at our attendance monitoring machine at four instead of at 5:30 p.m. I went home early because my family and I wanted to go to my sister and mom’s house in Balibago. We were anticipating a family dinner so my sister cooked spaghetti and my mom prepared pork stew. While cooking spaghetti, my sis even prepared chef salad for me. I requested for it and because she could not say no to me, I had what I wanted.
I haven’t finished half of the serving of my favorite chef salad when I heard my son crying at my back. Everything happened so fast, I didn’t get a chance to see what exactly happened. I just remember seeing my son lying on the floor with his two hands holding his head while he was starting to cry in pain. My sister, who was standing near my four-year-old son, was also surprised with how fast things happened. My husband came running and “rescuing” my son. My husband saw what happened but he was too far so he did not reach my son on time. Nadapa daw si Charles at tumama and ulo niya sa dulo ng unang baitang ng hagdan.
When we looked at Charles’ head to check what caused him to cry, we saw blood rushing out of his head. The sight of it made me weak. We immediately brought him to AUF medical center – right to the emergency room.
On our way to the medical center, sobrang awa ko kay Charles. Kung pwede lang kunin ko na lang ang sakit na nararamdaman niya. I never wanted any of my kids to be hurt – physically or emotionally.
My agony didn’t end there. At the emergency room, while Charles endlessly cried, the doctor told us, “Kailangan po natin itong tahiin.” Napalunok ako then I looked at my husband’s eyes. I was looking for any affirmation. Tatahiin? Is that the only thing that has to be done? I couldn’t imagine that. Four years old pa lang ang bunso ko. Nagwawala pa si Charles that night – takot siya sa ospital, takot sa injection, then he became more afraid when the nurses started holding him so tight so he won’t be able to move his body. The nurses made a straitjacket out of a blanket and they used it with my son. Grabe. Hindi ko matagalan. I couldn’t stand seeing the doctor injecting anesthesia on my son’s head. I told my husband, “Han, hindi ko kaya ‘to.” So, pinalabas na lang ako ng operating room. I stayed outside, right at the ER door.
The torture started. I did nothing but cried while I heard Charles crying. His voice was so loud and he was begging for help. “Ang sakit po. Ayoko na po. Papa, huwag mo akong iwan, dito ka lang…”
I couldn’t do anything that moment. Umiyak na lang hanggang matapos. After over an hour, we were advised to bring Charles at home so he could rest and regain all the energy he lost while crying in pain.
When we got home that night, I never felt hungry until the afternoon the following day. I lost my appetite. I lost sleep that night.
Ang hirap pala. I have nothing to blame but myself. I was in the same house when it happened. Why haven’t I done something to prevent it from happening?
That incident made me realize I was weak. I realized that my kids are my weakness and they are also my strength.
Kahit anong pagod, kaya ko, basta para kina Charles at Steffi. They serve as my source of strength.
Pero ang pinakamasakit sa lahat ay makitang umiiyak at nasasaktan ang mga anak. Totoo ang sinasabi ng mga matatanda noon, ang magulang, ni ayaw pumayag na makagat ng lamok ang anak. Totoo iyon.
That night, I also felt, there is God. Without Him, where else will I seek refuge during those times that I was so down? Dasal ako nang dasal habang naririnig kong umiiyak si Charles sa ER. Kahit hindi ako tumigil sa dasal nang buong gabi, ang importante, matapos ang sakit na nararamdaman ng anak ko. Nakiusap ako at nagdasal… That made me realize I have FAITH even if I don’t read the bible, even if I don’t regularly go to church.
I also realized I should not be too relaxed and secured. Kailangan laging on guard. Anything could happen. Well, that made me so paranoid. I never stopped following my son since then. Kapag nasa bahay ako, hindi ko inaalis ang tingin ko sa kanya. Ayoko nang maulit.
Kinagabihan, the following day, my son softly cried while we were lying on our bed, getting ready to sleep. When I asked why he was crying, sabi niya, “Mama, di ba hindi mo ako iiwan? Dito ka lang ha? Ayoko na ulit mangyari yung kagabi.” Tumulo na ang luha ng paslit.
How could a sweet son like Charles be hurt so bad?
Weeks had passed and Charles feels better now. I’ve learned my lesson. Charles would surely refrain from running next time so he would keep himself away from accidents. I took advantage of that chance to tell him how much he means to me. He knows how much I love him. We express our love in words every night, before bedtime. And we usually end our day by saying
“Good night. I love you. Sweet dreams. Sleep tight…”
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