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Sampung taong pagtuturo: Dapat bang ikatuwa?

Natapos na naman ang isa pang academic year. Sampung taon na pala mula nang magsimula akong magturo sa kolehiyo. Nakakatuwang isipin na kaya ko palang magturo. Alam kong nahirapan ako noong una. Lahat kasi ng expectations na dala ko mula sa kolehiyong pinagtapusan ko ay wala dito kung saan ako nagtuturo.

Sa sampung taong lumipas, marami na rin akong natutunan. Marami na ring mga estudyanteng natulungan. Marami-rami na rin ang naniniwala na kaya ko palang magturo habang marami din akong iba pang ginagampanan tulad ng pagiging ina, asawa, vice chair, manunulat, atbp.

Sa ngayon, alam kong masaya na rin ako pero nakakalungkot lang isipin na ang mga nagpapasaya sa akin ay umaalis din. Sinasabi ko na nga ba, hindi dapat nag-i-invest ng emosyon sa kahit ano at kahit kanino. Noong isang taon, nagtapos ang mga taong naging malapit sa akin. Ngayon naman, may mga aalis na naman.

Bakit ganito ang buhay ng guro? Magtuturo, mapapalapit ang loob, tapos magtatapos ang estudyante. Kasabay ng pagtatapos ng mga estudyanteng napalapit sa akin ay ang paglaho ng realisasyon na may saysay ang pagiging guro ko.

Minsan, iniisip ko, ano kaya kung hindi ako nagtuturo? Mas masaya kaya ako? Ano kaya kung sa ibang school? Mas okey kaya ang sitwasyon? Ano kaya kung walang estudyante, matitiis ko kayang manatili dito?

Sampung taon na ang lumipas. Napaglipasan na yata ako ng panahon dito. Walang nangyayari. Puro lang turo. Sa dami ng dapat turuan at ituro, lumilipas ang taon na marami akong hindi nagagawa. Di makapag-research; di makapagsulat ng libro.

Ngayon nararamdaman kong nakakabobo magturo. Ha - ha - ha!

Kailan kaya ako magtatapos sa pagtuturo?

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