It was exactly 12 midnight. I was wearing my favorite pajamas. Beside me were a mug of coffee, a steno pad, and my favorite purple Pilot ballpoint. My left hand was still holding the book which I just borrowed from a colleague. I didn’t notice the tears rolling down my cheeks. I was staring at my husband who was playing computer games. I couldn’t help thinking: “I should treasure every minute of my life with my family.” Then I closed my eyes and when I opened them again, I looked at the pocketbook I was holding with my left hand: Tuesdays with MORRIE.
I couldn’t believe it. I needed to read such a great book for me to be reminded of life’s greatest lessons. I was really moved by this novel written by Mitch Albom. There were points in the story where I laughed, but in most parts, I was trying to absorb what he was saying. I could imagine myself being there in the room where Mitch was interviewing Morrie.
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pix from http://www.albom.com/
Once in a while, as I was reading this novel, my mind wandered. I kept going back to my past and studying my `present’ while I was reading and rereading significant lines in the book. Indeed, I was making reflections.
ON LOVE AND RELATIONSHIP
“Love each other or perish.”
This quote was mentioned in the novel more than a couple of times. It seems like love is the most important weapon we have for us to be happy in our lives. Morrie even said that “without love, we are birds with broken wings.” Personally, I can imagine myself not having a career nor not having even a single student listen to my lecture and presentation but I can never imagine myself without my own family. This is why I am making a conscious effort to make sure that my family is always on top of my list of priorities.
Of course I have friends and colleagues but they can never stay with me the whole time. Morrie also said this when he mentioned that without his own family, for sure, his conditions would be unbearable. Things get easier when shared with someone whom, according to Morrie, “you know has an eye on you.”
ON DETACHMENT
“Learn to detach… don’t cling to things
because everything is impermanent.”
I absolutely admire the way Morrie explained the essence of the word “detachment.”
We have to keep going, whatever happens. Morrie said that:
by throwing yourself into these emotions, by allowing
yourself to dive in, all the way, over your head even, you
experience them fully and completely. You know what
pain is. You know what love is. You know what grief is.
And only then can you say, “all right. I have experienced
that emotion. I recognize that emotion. Now I need
to detach from that emotion for a moment.”
Sure, letting go isn’t always easy. But this novel reminded me that letting go is actually healthy. It lets you rejuvenate your being you.
ON AGEING
“… the young are not wise. They have very little understanding
about life. Who wants to live every day when you don’t know what’s
going on? When people are manipulating you, telling you to buy this
perfume and you’ll be sexy --- and you believe them! It’s such nonsense…
Aging is not just a decay, you know. It’s growth. It’s more than the negative that you’re going to die, it’s also the positive that you understand you’re going to die, and that you live a better life because of it.”
This quote made me think why, even if older citizens do have the capacity to buy, most advertisers don’t target them. In fact, most advertisements target the young generation. I think I already have the answer to this: It’s difficult to deceive the old and wise consumers.
Advertising, after all, is al about `creating a world of fantasy’ or in one word, DECEIVING. And it’s hard to deceive older generation who have been through a lot of experiences. The older people get, the wiser they become.
ON MONEY
Just last week, I was asking my husband what we could buy for my income from my ESL teaching. We thought of buying a new sofa. Then in three years, we want to have our own house, then a car, then…
The list is endless. But hey, I’m not the only one who cares so much about owning material things that can make life easier and more comfortable! Most people work for this and that. But this novel reminded me that life shouldn’t be treated this way. This is society’s way of brainwashing people. Culture said: MORE IS GOOD. MORE MONEY IS GOOD. But the truth is: “You can’t substitute material things for love
or for gentleness or for tenderness or for a sense of comradeship.”
Most of the time, what’s important is invisible to the eyes. In a prayer book is a poem which reads:
MONEY CAN BUY…
A bed, but not sleep;
Books, but not brains;
Food, but not appetite;
Finery, but not beauty;
A house but not a home;
Medicine, but not health;
Luxuries, but not culture;
Amusement, but not happiness;
Companions, but not friends;
Flattery, but not respect;
Yes, there are many things money can buy,
But you rather seek the things money cannot buy.
Going back to Morrie, he said we should learn to distinguish between what we need and what we want.
ON MARRIAGE
“If you don’t respect the other person, you’re gonna have a lot of trouble. If you don’t know how to compromise, you’re
gonna have a lot of trouble. If you can’t talk openly what goes
on between you, you’re gonna have a lot of trouble. And if you
don’t have a common set of values in life, you’re gonna have
a lot of trouble. Your values must be alike.”
And that values include the `belief in the importance of your marriage,’ said Morrie.
Until now, I am still trying to figure out what could happen to my marriage without the three values Morrie mentioned: respect, compromise, and communication. Couples have only two choices, either to “love each other or perish.”
I think, marriage is the most wonderful thing that ever happened to me. I got married in 1998, on the same year I finished college and gave birth to my daughter (of course, graduation came before everything else ( )
Marriage has taught me lessons I never learned in school or even at home, while I was living with my parents. Marriage has made me do things I never did before I got married. Marriage has made me laugh a million times and cry a thousand times. Most of all, marriage has made me enjoy every minute of my life with the most important creations of God: my husband and my two angels: Cha and Stef.
ON DEATH
“Death ends a life, not a relationship.”
The good news is, even if I die now, I will remain to be a wife to my husband, and a mother to my two kids. Okay. The bad news is, my life can end anytime. Just the thought of death makes me feel sick and frightened. I don’t know, I just don’t get it. Why do we have to die? Why do our loved ones have to die? It’s hard to explain.
The chapter that talked about Morrie’s final breath made me cry.
I knew it can happen to me anytime. So I asked myself: “Am I ready to die?” Immediately, I answered myself, “NO.”
I hope I could be as lucky as Morrie who was able to touch other people’s heart before he finally laid to rest. I hope I won’t be like Morrie who failed to forgive a friend whom he later found out to have died of cancer. I hope I could be like Mitch, the author and student, who was able to share to millions of people the value of living through his novel. I hope I could…
I’m not ready to die.
I just want to live a simple life with my family.
It’s already 1:49 a.m. I have to end this essay and sleep beside my husband after saying good night to my kids who are soundly sleeping in their room.
Tomorrow should be a new day. Tomorrow, I should be born again. Tomorrow, I should start preparing myself for something that may come anytime: death.
So help me God…
This essay is dedicated to a person, whom I may never have met but whose life story I will always cherish – MORRIE SCHWARTZ.
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