Something made me realize that:
1. I should not spend so much time studying and reviewing the lessons for my classes.
It's a sad thing. With the same lesson, I feel fulfilled in one class and feel useless in another class. I don't know why. I think, rapport, is important. But how can I possibly please all 250 students every semester? That is too much. Students are not happy when they don't get what they want. Those who failed to avail of the scholarship because of the low grades they got from my subject would just hate me. Even if I see them in the campus, they pretend not to see me at all. Okay.
1. I should not spend so much time studying and reviewing the lessons for my classes.
Sometimes, I ask myself, "Why do I have to stay awake till 3 in the morning studying or just reviewing all the lessons for my class?" I read, I absorb the lessons, I think of strategy so as not to make the discussion boring and monotonous, I prepare PowerPoint presentation, I review lessons and update my materials. All these, in six different classes.
Unfortunately, after spending hours preparing for my classes, most or some of my students would just choose to stare at me blankly or drag themselves literally just to cooperate with me. And then, at the end of the semester, only few students will remember to even say "Hi" when you meet them somewhere. Worse, some students don't even care to do their assignments. They don't even read their assignments. All they want to do is to download information from the Internet and submit plagiarized papers to me. Plagiarism is a deadly sin in my class! My Engineering and AB Mass Comm students should have known that.
After not being able to get a good sleep because of the preparation I have to do prior to attending class, ganun lang ang gagawin ng mga estudyante. Once, I just ended up making a sermon in one of my classes. But the following meeting, ayun, wala na naman assignment. Grrr! If I were an irresponsible faculty, I would never update my materials and I will just "kill time" in class. They never realize that I never enter a class just to stare at them and sit in front. I don't even require reporting because I prefer to discuss lessons myself. And I'm not a talking head in class. I want interaction. Kaya lang, minsan, tanong ko, sagot ko rin.
2. Well, some classes are worth my effort, but most classes are not.It's a sad thing. With the same lesson, I feel fulfilled in one class and feel useless in another class. I don't know why. I think, rapport, is important. But how can I possibly please all 250 students every semester? That is too much. Students are not happy when they don't get what they want. Those who failed to avail of the scholarship because of the low grades they got from my subject would just hate me. Even if I see them in the campus, they pretend not to see me at all. Okay.
3. It's a no-no to become emotionally attached to students.
At times, I couldn't help admiring students who are really smart. (Mahirap makahanap ng thinking creature dito). But the problem is, I end up creating my own expectations and wish that the students would meet those expectations. When they fail me, I end up feeling like I just failed as a teacher.
There are also times when some students would just talk to me as if they are my colleagues or friends. And then, I would just find out that they are telling negative things about me at the admin. offices. I've learned this lesson when I knew that one of my students gave my blog address to someone I blogged about. That made me decide to delete my entire blog. Students can be good students, but never good friends. They do everything, including putting a teacher down, just for them to get what they want.
I should know. Students come to me to complain about a teacher. So, for sure, they also see other teacher to complain about me. Call me nuts if I'm wrong.
Naisip ko lang, di naman ako tulad nila when I was a student. I never had the chance to say negative things about my former teachers. Kahit may nakakatawa kaming teacher, I never did anything that would make them feel bad. I've always thought, I've had the best and the worst teachers in UP. I respected all of them because they deserve nothing but respect. I learned a big deal from all of them because I was willing to learn and to be guided by them.
Anyway, I thought I do love my job.
Sometimes, I do -- I really enjoy teaching at times.
Minsan naman, I ask myself why I am still teaching. I can definitely do other things ( I want to write articles, research, novels) and I'm sure I won't run out of job, had I applied somewhere.
I'm just disappointed today. I wish I never discovered the lies my students showed me.
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